“Get Rid of The Negative and Make Room for The Positive Things.”
– Randy Haveson (02:10-02:15)
Self-esteem is essential because it lets you know where you fit into this world. It’s like a support system that helps you get rid of that negative self-talk. In this episode, Randy gives 7 helpful tips on improving self-esteem so you can have a healthy and happy life.
Part One of ‘Tips for Improving Self-Esteem’
One of my theories is that our society tells us that ego and self-esteem are similar. Sometimes we let the standards of our society that focus on external things define us.
“You’ll never have perfect self-esteem, but you can always choose to be better each day.”
– Randy Haveson (20:08-20:38)
Ego and self-esteem are on opposite ends of a continuum. When we reinforce the ego, we deny our self-esteem. And, vice versa. The goal is to move down that continuum towards a higher sense of self-esteem so we can feel better about who we are.
One of the things that I like to talk about improving self-esteem is getting rid of the things that don’t work for us. It’s almost like going for a hike with 50 pounds of rocks in a backpack. We can still do the hike, but it’s going to keep us from going as fast as we want to go. It’s going to drain our energy more. It’s going to take more energy to move down the path. You must do something to have a better hiking experience. You either get rid of the rocks in the backpack or getting rid of the backpack altogether.
The trick to improve self-esteem and let go of the negativity is to accept that the hole will always be there. It’s not something to be afraid of or make you angry. It’s not something to be ashamed of. We all have imperfections and shortcomings.
I wasn’t the best at the things that I was doing back then. I thought that meant I was not good enough. But I didn’t put the energy into what I was good at. I always compare myself to others. I looked at the things that weren’t working for me. As I did that, I needed to find a way to fill the hole. Some people attempt to mask the hole. They try to cover the hole up. I attempted to fill mine with alcohol, drugs, dating, going out with people that weren’t good for me. I attempted to fill that hole in so many different ways. But the more I attempted to fill the hole up, the bigger the hole got.
Part Two of ‘Tips for Improving Self-Esteem’
It’s about accepting ourselves for who we are. So, it’s not about comparing ourselves to others. Every time we compare ourselves with someone else, the hole gets bigger. Every time we compare ourselves with ourselves, we tend to focus more on how better we have become. Things like learning more about my character defects and what I can do to overcome them. Every time I do that, I feel better about who I am, and the hole gets smaller. The hole will never completely go away. So, it’s about accepting that hole for being a part of you. It will always be there, honor the hole for being there. Respect the hole because it has a purpose. It does have positivity to it. It’s not negative at all. The hole is what makes us more alert in different situations.
“Always choose to be the best version of yourself.”
– Randy Haveson (10:21-10:25)
There’s a difference between cocky and confident. People who are high in ego tend to be very cocky. They try so hard to show people how cool they are. How good they are at something. People who are confident with who they are don’t need to prove anything. Confident people don’t need to talk about how proficient they are at a certain task. That is the work of the ego. It’s about finding confidence over cocky. I have nothing to prove to anybody else. I want to be the best version of myself that I can be and that’s the only thing I need to do. Improving self-esteem is about moving more toward confidence. It’s about seeing the things that you do well. Be proud of yourself and happy for being able to have the talent in that specific area.
Another thing is humility vs humiliation. The same thing can happen to two different people. One person is completely humiliated by it and the other person is humbled by it. When experiencing bad things, ask yourself what can you learn from it? That’s humility. Humility is realizing I’m a fallible person. I’m going to make mistakes, but when I make a mistake, I’m going to learn from that so that I don’t make the same mistake again. The last thing I want to emphasize is judging yourself. Judging yourself is usually a bad idea because we usually find our shortcomings. It’s more about evaluating yourself to identify what you can do better.
Some other simple things that you can do is to look for ways to connect with yourself. Don’t forget to nourish the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects. When we exercise and nourish the other parts of self in a healthy way, we feel better about who we are. We have more energy throughout our day.
Yes, I am happy and enjoying my life and everything that it has to offer. I want to live each day with gratitude, I walk into each day wondering what I can do to be of service to others. You’re going to move up that continuum as you start to practice this path on your own. You’re going to feel better about who you are and take that pressure off yourself. It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about always being in control. It’s about being teachable. And it’s about knowing that I don’t have all the answers. What can I do to feel better about who I am, and my place in life?
How to Get Involved:
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country and the world find their path in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society.
Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools and individuals address topics such as: self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more.