EP: 7 – Self Esteem is Earned, Not Learned


“The Best Way to Earn Self-Esteem Is to Unlearn Your Worst Thoughts and Behaviors.”
Randy Haveson (06:10-06:19)


 People tend to think that ego and self-esteem are similar. But one of our greatest enemies is ego because it hinders us to be the best version of ourselves. We focus too much on the external things not realizing there’s an internal work that we need to do. In this episode, Randy Haveson talks about self-esteem and how we can earn it.


Part One of ‘Self-Esteem is Earned, Not Learned’


The reason why it’s called self-esteem is that it is something that we do for ourselves. It’s earned. It’s something that happens only from hard work. It’s not something that magically happens, and you gain esteem in a split second. It doesn’t work that way. You need to put out some effort to make it happen. It can take weeks, months or even years to make a significant difference.


“If others can do it, you can do it too.”
– Randy Haveson (09:52-09:53)


Raising your self-esteem depends on how much energy you put into it to see the positive results. It’s like going to the gym. It’s going to be hard at first. Everything in your brain screams and is telling you to stop. It’s pushing you to go back to your careless lifestyle and eat unhealthy food. But, after you go to the gym a few times, you start to become more consistent. You work hard and see the changes happening. If we are taking care of our physical bodies by working out, it’s the same thing with our self-esteem. There are certain actions that you need to do. I will never ask another person to do something that I myself haven’t done or wouldn’t be willing to do myself.


That’s one of the promises that I made because for myself because integrity is important. Integrity is walking the talk and not talking without actions. If I ask you to do something or I put something in my book, it’s something that I’m currently doing, or I have done in the past. Which means that these things work. Some of you know my story and others don’t. I’ve been through moments where I had zero self-esteem. The choices that I was making were putting me in this corner where I felt like I had no way out except to end my life. I realize now that was desperation and that was my lowest point. That’s when I finally reached out for help. I got the help and support that I needed to start this journey back. So, it’s overwhelming when I look at where I was back in May 1984 and look at where I am today. It’s pretty amazing to see these differences. How my confidence has grown. How my cockiness has decreased. How my humility has grown. How my humiliation has decreased. My life back then was more on ego and looking good to everybody else. I never thought it’s possible for me to be a professional speaker. Or a life coach to help other people with difficulties in their life.


There’s nothing wrong when it comes to seeking help. We all have been through moments where we felt lost. But, if we just put our heart and mind into something, we can achieve anything!


Self-esteem is realizing we’re all unique and equal. We all have something to offer everybody else. It’s not that anyone’s better or worse than anybody else. We’re all different.


Part Two of ‘Self-Esteem is Earned, Not Learned’


We all have our own unique gifts. You shouldn’t look at someone to be intimidated by. I don’t get intimidated by people because we all have something to offer each other. Years ago, I joined a National Speakers Association. I gained a lot of valuable tips and I watched my speaking career take off. It was awesome! I love getting on stage and motivating people. I love helping them to look at life a little bit different so they can be happier and healthier as well.


It takes a long time to get there. I wouldn’t have the confidence to get on stage back in the early twenties. That was the time when I was struggling with who I was and where I fit in the world. And today I can do that because I worked on my self-esteem. I’ve worked on myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. By doing all four of those things, I now feel better about myself. I got rid of those obstacles that got in the way of my success. There’s nothing special that I’ve done. There’s nothing. People may think, “Oh, well, Randy found the magic well, and he’s drinking from it”. No, there’s no magic. Well, any of you watching this or listening to this can do this to it.


“We are all a product of the choices we make.”
– Randy Haveson (11:03-11:05)


The future lies in the palm of your hands. Because you decide what kind of life you want to live in. If you don’t like what you’re getting in life, then change what you’re doing. You’re going to keep getting what you’re getting if you keep doing what you’re doing. I love that saying. I heard that a long time ago from one of my supervisors. It made sense and I put that into practice today. If you want to make changes and do things differently in your life, do it now.


Start with little baby steps. Crawl before you walk. Walk before you run. You’re going to find that you’re going to be more successful. There are a lot of ways to raise self-esteem and feel better about who you are. The harder you work at something, the more you gain. The better you feel inside, the more confidence you have to do more. And the more confidence you have, the more you become effective in serving others. Great things will happen for you if you get out of your own way and learn how to become your own best friend.


How to Get Involved:

Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country and the world find their paths in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society.

Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools and individuals address topics such as: self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more.