EP: 3 – Ego Versus Healthy Self-Esteem


“When You’re Happy with Who You Are, What Other People Think of You Is None of Your Business.”
– Randy Haveson (9:24-9:31)


 Our society tends to link ego and self-esteem together but they’re actually on opposite sides of a continuum. As you begin this journey, the essential thing is knowing which direction you’re pointed in. In this episode, Randy Haveson talks about how you can move towards a healthier sense of self-esteem and away from the devastating effects of ego.


Part One of ‘Ego Versus Healthy Self-Esteem’


There will always be people who are taller, faster and smarter than you. A lot of people are locked in a cage of comparison without realizing this rips their self-esteem apart until nothing is left. Comparing ourselves with other people just puts ourselves at a disadvantage because no matter which way we go, we lose. Are you taking time to reflect on whether you’re reinforcing self-esteem or ego?


“Ego can be stolen, but confidence is earned.”
– Randy Haveson (02:06-02:39)


The ego is very fragile. It has all the external things that are supposed to make us who we are, such as a number on a scale, basically all of the outside things. When we define ourselves by those external things, life can be fragile because any of those things change or disappear. As a result, our sense of worth disappears. We can give people ego, we can take the ego away and it’s by altering those external things that can alter someone’s ego. But on the other hand, self-esteem is not something you can take away from someone or something you can give to someone.


For example, if you’re an author, you should feel grateful for the opportunity to be given the gift to transmit a message that seems to really resonate with people’s frequency and being exactly the same person even if you sell ten million bucks. If you are ego-based, your ego will be based on how many books you sell. If all of a sudden, book sales drop off, you will feel fragile because you allowed those things to define you. There are many people who have so much money but they’re just not happy with who they are. On the other hand, others are close to the poverty line but they’re happy with the overall quality of their life. They’re grateful for the things they have in their lives. There are also people who have a lot of money and very high self-esteem, but they don’t base their worth on how much money they have. It’s how much they can be of service to others and make the world a better place.


The amount of money you have does not determine your sense of worth. But for many people, this becomes an ego trap.


Self-esteem is solid. If there comes a time you fail at something, your self-esteem will take you from being humiliated to being humbled, focusing on the positive side of things and how you can be better rather than repeatedly complaining and getting affected by all the bad things that are apparently uncontrollable. It’s about learning how to rise from the ashes when things just fall apart, it’s time to pick ourselves back up and move forward and do the next thing. See where life takes us and enjoy the ride. Life turns out pretty wonderful when you act out of esteem and not ego.


Part Two of ‘Ego Versus Healthy Self-Esteem’


People get made fun of for various reasons such as being thin, overweight, too tall and the majority is related to the outside appearance and status. This world would be a better place if we no longer compare ourselves with other people and judge others according to the shallow norms of this society. But at the same time, self-esteem does not translate to being cocky. You don’t have to be anything to anybody except be true to yourself. When you can do that for yourself, think about how much easier life is going to get.


“It’s in the difficult moments that your gratitude is tested.”
– Randy Haveson (15:56-15:59)


Knowing the difference between self-esteem and ego helps you find that way to move forward with strength and confidence. And when you care less about what other people think of you, you grow as an individual and you build your self-esteem maybe not instantly but one step at a time. It’s about what we are doing to make our lives better, to be better people and to be of service to others. Serving others could be doing little things like opening the door for someone or helping someone carry a heavy package. It’s been proven and tested that when you serve others, you feel so much better. As a result, you will start to see the positive things in life, and you will find more things to be grateful for. If you’re the kind of person who constantly finds reasons to be grateful for, you’re going to be happier and find more value in yourself.


How to Get Involved: 

Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country and the world finds their paths in life and learns the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society.

Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools and individuals address topics such as self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more.

Check out www.randyspeaks.com